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Publish date: January 31, 2022

1. Matthew 6:14-15

2. 14: For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
3. 15: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Many times, in Christian circles, we pay “lip-service” to the idea of forgiveness without honestly dealing with some of the objections people raise. We are prone to tell only one side of the story, extolling the benefits of forgiveness without mentioning how hard it can sometimes be to truly forgive those who have wronged us.

Have you ever heard a sermon that made a strong case AGAINST forgiveness? Have you ever heard of a spiritual advisor counseling a victim by saying, “What happened to you is so awful that you would be a fool to forgive; it’s alright to hang on to those feelings of bitterness and hurt for the rest of your life”? No pastor would ever advise someone to do that, for their own good. And yet, that’s exactly what most people choose to do to themselves; to hang on to an offense until it adversely affects them.

The reason we hold on to these feelings is because we build up a rationale against forgiveness in our own minds. We put it together logically, piece by piece, until the case seems airtight to us. And yet, we know instinctively that the actual arguments circulating obsessively in our minds would sound pretty unconvincing to others. So, rather than voice them, we simply sum them all up with one conclusive statement: “I can’t forgive.”

The real issue many times is not that we can’t forgive, it’s that we think we shouldn’t have to forgive! After all, if we are the victim, why should we have to do something that is uncomfortable for us? Why should our offender be allowed to get off scot-free?

Today, let’s put forgiveness itself on trial and weigh the evidence for and against it. Are there legitimate reasons why I shouldn’t forgive? Are there times when not letting an offender off the hook is the right option? And, am I justified in feeling the way I do?

Forgiveness denies the seriousness of sin.

Many people believe that by forgiving, we are denying the severity of an offense; like saying that what our offender did wrong doesn’t really matter. Now, even those same people would probably agree that some offenses are so petty we should overlook them; a forgotten birthday, an interrupted sentence, an unreturned phone call. And the Bible certainly would support this viewpoint:

Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.

Proverbs 19:11 The discretion of a man deferreth his anger; and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.

Solomon is telling us that a wise person is one who doesn’t make a federal case out of every injury they experience in life. This is not to say that even smallest injuries aren’t painful (ever get a paper cut

What about major offenses? They shouldn’t be overlooked, should they? Is it possible to even treat every offense the same way? It isn’t humanly comprehensible that something as serious as childhood sexual abuse could be compared to something as trivial as a sarcastic remark from a coworker! How could God possibly expect us to treat them the same?

Forgiveness does not trivialize our pain, just as God does not trivialize our sin!

Solomon is telling us that a wise person is one who doesn’t make a federal case out of every injury they experience in life. This is not to say that even smallest injuries aren’t painful (ever get a paper cut?).

Some people believe that when God forgives our sin, He overlooks our sin, but that is not what the Bible teaches!

Nahum 1:3 The Lord is slow to anger, and great in power, and will not at all acquit the wicked: the Lord hath his way in the whirlwind and in the storm, and the clouds are the dust of his feet.

God’s mercy cannot override His holiness! He does not casually declare that sinners are suddenly righteous and serious offenses are suddenly inconsequential. Our sinful offenses demanded payment and that took the agony of Calvary!

If a perfect God finds it impossible to just “overlook” sin against Him, how could He expect us to just “overlook” the serious hurts inflicted by others against us?

Sin creates an obligation and someone has to pay! If forgiveness is going to simply gloss over the serious wrongs that have been done to me, then I shouldn’t have to forgive! Or should I?

Forgiveness lets people off the hook too easily.

One of the most basic hindrances to forgiveness is the fear of further abuse. We have a legitimate concern that forgiving our offender will give him permission to hurt us even more deeply.

Such a legitimate fear about the consequences of forgiveness probably prompted this question from Peter to Jesus…

Matthew 18:21 Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?

Before coming down too hard on Peter for not knowing that there is no limit to forgiveness, ask yourself: “How many times am I willing to forgive a person for committing the SAME SERIOUS OFFENSE against me?” Suddenly, Peter seems quite generous!

One popular rabbi in Peter’s day taught that you forgive people three times for the same offense. So Peter was offering more than twice the “going rate” of forgiveness, but he still believed (as do YOU!) that there surely must be some limit to prevent ourselves from being taken advantage of!

If forgiveness is just going to carelessly let people off the hook to sin again, then I shouldn’t have to forgive! Or should I?

Forgiveness places too much responsibility on the victim.

Quite a convincing argument could be made for the fact that asking victims to “let go of their pain” and deny their desire for justice is placing too much responsibility on the offended instead of the offender, blaming the victim instead of the victimizer.

It seems similar to coming across the mangled body of a hit-and-run victim, and telling them to take care of their own injuries while you go tell the driver of the car not to worry about it!

Isn’t it unrealistic to place the forgiveness burden on the victim of the wrong? Is it logical to expect them to be able to let go of serious hurts? Aren’t we asking them to do the impossible?

The word of God gives us the distinct impression that He doesn’t exempt us from tasks just because they’re unfair or difficult…

Matthew 5:38-41

38 Ye have heard that it hath been said, An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth:

39 But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also.

40 And if any man will sue thee at the law, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also.

41 And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

Is it reasonable for God to expect this of us? It doesn’t seem right that a victim would have to struggle for years to get victory over something they didn’t cause or deserve, while their offender just goes on with life as though nothing happened!

Is it reasonable for God to expect this of us? It doesn’t seem right that a victim would have to struggle for years to get victory over something they didn’t cause or deserve, while their offender just goes on with life as though nothing happened!

If forgiveness is going to place such a heavy burden on my shoulders, then I shouldn’t have to forgive! Or should I?

Forgiveness is unfair.

Gradually, as we have considered these legitimate objections to forgiveness, we have inadvertently uncovered the bottom-line argument on which all other objections to forgiveness are based. Have you detected it lurking in the background, hidden behind the words spoken earlier? It is this: forgiveness is unfair!

All of us are created in the image of God, and regardless of how badly that image has been marred by sin, we still retain a sense of innate fairness. When we see a wrong committed, we instinctively know that it’s unjust for that wrong to go unpunished!

Isn’t there something fundamentally unfair in letting our offender go free without any consequences? And if forgiveness is essentially unfair, then I shouldn’t have to forgive! Or should I?

Defining Forgiveness

All of these rational objections arise from a basic misunderstanding of the concept of forgiveness. Before we define the word biblically, let’s state what forgiveness is NOT:

1. It is not denying the reality of your pain.
2. It is not letting your offender off the hook.
3. It is not blaming you, the victim.
4. It is not unfair. (God can’t do anything unfair!)

Romans 9:14

14: What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid.

If forgiveness is “none of the above,” then what is it? The Greek word translated “forgive” carries the idea of a release from some type of obligation, most commonly a financial obligation. That’s how Jesus most often illustrated the concept of forgiveness.

Luke 7:41-42

41 There was a certain creditor which had two debtors: the one owed five hundred pence, and the other fifty.

42 And when they had nothing to pay, he frankly forgave them both. Tell me therefore, which of them will love him most?

The moneylender chose to RELEASE both of the debtors from their very real obligations; the money owed was not a figment of his imagination!

He had a legal right to be repaid; he was the innocent party.

The borrowers had a legal obligation to pay.

There was a deficit between their debt and their resources.

The rule of accounting said that the books had to be balanced! The greatest misunderstanding about forgiveness is that it is simply overlooking someone else’s transgression. The truth of the matter is that someone always has to pay, because an offense always creates an obligation that must be satisfied.

ILLUSTRATION:

Someone rear-ends your car at a stoplight, and when you get out you take one look and know it’s going to cost some big bucks to repair the damage. You’re standing there fuming when a little old lady gets out of the other car and begins to weep. Between sobs she tells you that she’s a retired missionary who has limited resources and no insurance. You tell her to forget it, that you will take car of the damage. The next day when you take the car to the mechanic and he hands you a $2000 estimate, who is going to pay for the repairs? YOU ARE! You let the other driver off the hook! The offense created an obligation that must be satisfied, but there was a deficit between her obligation to pay and her resources to pay. However, the deficit did not just evaporate into thin air – you decided to cover it YOURSELF.

This is the essence of forgiveness! When we forgive…

We recognize that there is an obligation for repayment.

We CHOOSE to release our offender from that obligation and to cover the loss ourselves.

Most of us have no trouble with the first two, because we are expert record keepers! The stumbling block for us is the third ingredient of forgiveness! Why should I have to suffer the consequences myself, when there are many reasons WHY I SHOULDN’T FORGIVE my offender?

Jesus’ answer to Peter’s question about forgiveness anticipated such objections and offers us some compelling reasons to unilaterally forgive:

Matthew 18:22

22: Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Perhaps after a brief pause to let the impact of His statement settle in the minds of His listeners, Jesus relates a dramatic and unforgettable story to drive His point home.

Matthew 18:23-27

23 Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants.

24 And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents.

25 But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made.

26 The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

27 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt.

Although the servant has absolutely no way to make even the smallest dent in such a huge debt, he begs for just a little more time to try. What a pitiful sight, to see him groveling before the king – and what a beautiful thing the king did, because he felt compassion for the man. This is a perfect illustration of forgiveness …

The servant owed a very real debt to the king.

he king had every right to expect repayment of the debt.

But the king voluntarily released the servant from his obligation and covered the loss himself.

We’ve talked about some logical reasons why I shouldn’t forgive. But, now that I understand better what forgiveness is, there are some equally strong reasons why I should make a choice to take the initiative and release my offender.

There Are 4 Strong Reasons Why I Should Forgive:

1. Forgiveness is often the only way to settle a debt.
2. Realistically, what alternative to forgiveness did the king have? He didn’t have to release the slave, but would the slave’s imprisonment have resulted in even one dollar returning to the king? Was there any advantage to be gained by demanding that the slave remain behind bars for the rest of his life?
3. The king was smart enough to realize that he was holding a debt that was uncollectible!
4. Many people struggle with offering forgiveness, because they are unaware that they are holding a worthless debt. They mistakenly believe that there’s some payment they can extract from their offender that will compensate for their loss.

Understandably, they want vengeance, but the truth is that very few sinners have the resources to pay for their offenses!

What satisfactory payment could someone give you to compensate for a child killed by a drunk driver? A reputation slandered by a false rumor? A marriage destroyed by infidelity.

Mahatma Gandhi observed, “An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth cannot sustain itself forever; ultimately both parties end up blind and toothless.”

Suddenly Jesus’s seemingly outlandish solution of “turning the other cheek” appears more reasonable! He understood that forgiveness is sometimes the only way to break the endless cycle of hurt and unfairness.

Forgiveness frees us to get on with our life.

The king was also smart enough to realize that he had too many responsibilities to allow himself to be distracted by one slave’s obligation.

Sometimes the only sensible option is to cut our losses rather than risk needless preoccupation with a hopeless situation. Why should the king spend every waking moment checking with the royal bookkeeper and neglect the rest of his kingdom duties?

Each one of us will have many situations arise in life where we are much more concerned about someone’s obligation to us than they are! But if we hold on to the offense, we become an emotional hostage to our offender.

Comedian Buddy Hackett once said, “I’ve had a few arguments with people, but I never carry a grudge. You know why? While you’re carrying a grudge, they’re out dancing.”

One of the best reasons for forgiving someone is not what it does for them, but what it does for you! Letting go of a rattlesnake might help the snake, but it benefits you as well!

Hebrews 12:1

1: Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,

Forgiveness is an antidote to needless suffering.

Can you imagine the relief the servant must have felt as he left the palace, knowing that his million-dollar-debt had been forgiven? But suddenly, an evil thought entered his mind …

Matthew 18:22

22: Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

Perhaps after a brief pause to let the impact of His statement settle in the minds of His listeners, Jesus relates a dramatic and unforgettable story to drive His point home.

Matthew 18:28-35

28 But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest.

29 And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

30 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt.

31 So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done.

32 Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me:

33 Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?

34 And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

Did you notice the “zinger” that Jesus adds at the end of this story? That’s what my heavenly father will do to you if you refuse to forgive! The laws of God decree that those who refuse to forgive enter their own private torture chamber, sentencing themselves to a lifetime of needless pain.

John MacArthur observes, “Un-forgiveness is a toxin. It poisons the heart and mind with bitterness, distorting one’s whole perspective on life. Anger, resentment, and sorrow begin to overshadow and overwhelm the unforgiving person; a kind of soul-pollution that enflames evil appetites and evil emotions.”

The bible’s term for un-forgiveness is “bitterness.” The Greek word translated “bitter” comes from a word meaning “sharp” or “pointed.” Just as there are certain tastes and smells that are “sharp” to the senses, all of us can recall offenses committed against us that may have occurred years ago but still hurt us when we turn them over in our mind. Don’t risk poisoning your life by holding on to a grievance!

Hebrews 12:15

Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;

With every offense comes a choice! We can hold on to it and become bitter, or we can release it and become better.

James Garfield had been president of the United States for less than four months when he was shot in the back with a revolver on July 2, 1881. While the president remained conscious, the doctor probed the wound with his little finger, unsuccessfully trying to detect the bullet. Over the course of the summer, teams of doctors tried to locate the bullet. The president clung to life through July and August, but in September he finally died – not from the gunshot wound but from infection. The repeated probing of the wound, which the doctor thought would help the president, ultimately killed him.

Continually reliving the hurts we’ve experienced infects not only our life, but the lives of those around us. One of the strongest arguments for forgiveness is the consequences of un-forgiveness!

Frederick Buechner observes, “Of the Seven Deadly Sins, anger is possibly the most fun. To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor to the last toothsome morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back – in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief drawback is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton at the feast is you.”

Forgiveness is the obligation of the forgiven.

The Bible teaches that there is an inseparable link between receiving and granting forgiveness. Jesus’ parable teaches us that our personal sin against God has produced an obligation we could never hope to repay. BUT THE KING FORGAVE US!

But Jesus’ parable also has stern words for us in our relationships with those who wrong us. We may have every RIGHT to “collect the debt they owe,” but we have a higher OBLIGATION to release them from that debt, considering that we have been forgiven so much.

Forgiveness is the obligation of the forgiven! It must be astonishing to God sometimes that those who have been forgiven so much would refuse to forgive so little.

While the pain that someone has inflicted on you is REAL, it is also NEGLIGIBLE compared to the wrong you have committed against God. That is the ultimate reason why you should forgive!

by Pastor Saxton Odom